The opposite day in an effort to dissociate from the stress of the vacations, I used to be making brownies for my children and I went to seize my hand mixer. I purchased this low cost, dependable one again after I nonetheless was dwelling in my bachelorette pad in Los Feliz about 10 years in the past. I spotted in a short time that I not had that trusty mixer.
It’s the identical realization I had after I purchased a brand new pair of loafers and wanted a shoehorn. And after I wanted a serving tray to carry chips and salsa out to our new patio. And when a recipe for chimichurri sauce known as for a mortar and pestle.
I as soon as had all these little gadgets in my life — the issues you purchase as soon as and use sometimes, however that one way or the other make your life a lot simpler. I had amassed them over the 20 years I lived with roommates, after which alone, after which with my husband, and now with my household. However on the night time of Jan. 7, 2025, we left our home behind with all these things nonetheless in it, together with numerous irreplaceable objects, considering we’d return. That subsequent morning, nevertheless, like lots of our pals and neighbors in Altadena, we misplaced our dwelling to the Eaton hearth. We additionally misplaced the mixer and the shoehorn, these serving trays and my mortar and pestle.
So now what? When it’s a must to begin from scratch there are such a lot of new questions. Once you exchange your wardrobe, do you alter the way you gown? Who’s Sona 2.0? Does she splurge on designer clothes? And may I begin purchasing now for the home we’re planning on rebuilding? And talking of constructing a home, how precisely do you do this? How does insurance coverage work? Do I’ve to avoid wasting each receipt?
It’s exhausting and for the primary few weeks I might stroll round outfitters in a daze, utterly overwhelmed. My good friend Erica needed to come assist me store and held my hand as I attempted to navigate the arduous technique of changing a wardrobe. I might attempt on denims and whereas I misplaced concentrate on the duty at hand by remembering how we misplaced the ceramic imprints of my boys’ toddler arms and toes, I might hear Erica’s voice gently break my painful trance with a reassuring “they give the impression of being good.” And extra importantly, she was the one who came upon so many shops had been providing reductions to individuals who had been impacted by the fires. However how do you carry that up organically?
“Did you discover every thing OK?” the cashier would ask.
“Sure I did, thanks,” I might reply.
Silence. Then, after too lengthy, I might simply blurt out, “Do you supply reductions for hearth victims?”
The reply was usually sure however typically no. Solutions all the time had been delivered with a slight head tilt — the one you do whenever you really feel unhealthy for somebody, as if altering the angle of the way you take a look at them will make them really feel much less unhappy.
I’ve labored for Conan O’Brien for about 17 years — the primary 12 as his assistant and the final seven because the cohost on his podcast “Conan O’Brien Wants a Buddy” (with some overlap in between). I had this leather-based jacket I used to put on so usually that the liner was falling aside and the fabric on the elbows had worn skinny. But it surely match me like a glove. It was one of many many issues in Conan’s arsenal that he’d make enjoyable of, joking that it was my solely jacket since I wore it so usually and that I regarded like Dr. Zaius from “Planet of the Apes.”
When Conan came upon that I’d misplaced that jacket within the hearth, he insisted on shopping for me a substitute. I bear in mind sending him a photograph of me within the retailer sporting the brand new jacket, beaming like I had resurrected one thing from the lifeless. Conan, who was dangerously near dropping his own residence within the Palisades hearth, replied that seeing me in it once more made him glad. He then instantly made one other joke about how I regarded like one in every of Janet Jackson’s backup dancers. It was a tiny step towards some sort of normalcy, even when the liner of the jacket was intact and the elbows felt stiff.
There are issues I by no means will have the ability to exchange, like my customized signed photographs from Kobe Bryant, or the portray I purchased in Cuba after I traveled there to shoot one in every of Conan’s specials, or the classic Disneyland Autopia poster I purchased from a wierd man in Lengthy Seaside, or the bee pin my grandma all the time wore. Or my marriage ceremony gown. Or my children’ first Halloween costumes. Or the big bin stuffed with my childhood reminiscences.
It’s been a yr because the hearth and life continues because it had earlier than. My children go to the identical faculty in Pasadena that they went to earlier than the fires. My husband and I nonetheless go to the identical jobs. We see our identical pals. We rejoice birthdays and journey. We take our canine on lengthy walks across the neighborhood. We eat dinner as a household.
However we have now an empty lot we nonetheless pay a mortgage on. We meet usually with an architect to hash out the format of our new dwelling. We get bids from contractors. We speak to our insurance coverage adjuster repeatedly. We take into consideration cash much more. I nonetheless cry typically.
The one good factor I did on the night of Jan. 7 was take a video of all of the contents of my dwelling. I bear in mind going by means of each room, with my children usually within the background, unknowingly taking a video that might develop into a time capsule of our life earlier than the fireplace. A yr later we’re nonetheless rebuilding that life, changing the gadgets we misplaced with new variations, some higher and a few not. The reductions within the shops have ended and the nationwide consideration on our tragedy is basically gone, however these of us who went by means of all that loss nonetheless are going by means of it, like once we’re baking brownies and notice the hand mixer we had for years burned in a horrible hearth.
However as I inform my children, who all the time ask in regards to the “outdated home,” house is the place we’re all collectively, even when it’s nonetheless a piece in progress.
Sona Movsesian is cohost of the podcast “Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend” and writer of the New York Instances bestseller “The World’s Worst Assistant.” Her second guide “The World’s Worst Mother” comes out later this yr
