I’ve been enthusiastic about writing a will.
I didn’t count on to really feel loss of life so near me. I used to say loss of life comes immediately, we don’t really feel it, however throughout this battle, they made us really feel the whole lot … slowly.
We endure earlier than it occurs, like anticipating your home to be bombed.
It might nonetheless be standing because the begin of the battle, however that feeling of worry stays inside you. This worry has worn my coronary heart down, until I really feel like it could’t deal with something extra.
For the reason that starting of the battle, I’ve been fighting the Israeli military being so near us. I bear in mind the second tanks entered from the Netzarim space, and I despatched a message to all my mates, shocked: “How did they enter Gaza? Am I dreaming?!”
I used to be ready for them to withdraw from Gaza, for it to be free once more, like we had at all times recognized it. Now they’re so near the place I’m, in al-Fukhari, east of Khan Younis and north of Rafah. It’s the purpose the place Khan Younis ends and Rafah begins.
They’re so shut, forcing us to listen to terrifying explosions each second, making us endure these countless sounds.
This battle is completely different, so completely different from what I’ve skilled earlier than.
Keep in mind my story
I don’t wish to be a quantity.
That has been caught in my head since I noticed martyrs being known as “unknown individuals” or positioned in mass graves. A few of them are even physique elements that couldn’t be recognized.
Is it potential that every one it could say on my shroud could be “a younger lady in a black/blue shirt”?
May I die as an “unknown individual”, only a quantity?
I need everybody round me to recollect my story. I’m not a quantity.
I’m the lady who studied for highschool and college underneath distinctive circumstances when Gaza was underneath a really tight siege. I accomplished college and appeared for work in every single place to assist my father, who was exhausted by the siege and had misplaced his job a number of instances.
I’m the eldest daughter in my household, and I wished to assist my father and for us to have a great house to reside in.
Wait… I don’t wish to overlook something.
I’m a refugee. My grandparents have been refugees who have been compelled by the Israeli occupation to depart our occupied land in 1948.
They moved to the Gaza Strip and lived within the Khan Younis refugee camp, west of town.
I used to be born in that camp, however the Israeli military didn’t let me proceed my life there.
They demolished our home in 2000, and we have been left with out shelter for 2 years. We moved from one uninhabitable home to a different, till UNRWA gave us one other home in 2003 in al-Fukhari.
That fantastic space, with all of the farmland, the place we tried to construct a life within the neighbourhood that was named “European Housing”, after the European Hospital situated there.
The home was small, not sufficient for a household of 5, with a father and a mom. It wanted further rooms, a front room, and the kitchen wanted work.
We lived there for about 12 years anyway, and as quickly as I might, I began working in about 2015 to assist my father.
I helped him make the home comfy to reside in. Sure, we achieved that, nevertheless it was so onerous. We completed constructing our house simply three months earlier than October 7, 2023.
Sure, practically 10 years I spent rebuilding it piece by piece in keeping with our monetary skill, and we simply managed to complete it proper earlier than the battle.
When the battle got here, I used to be already exhausted, from the siege and the problem of life in Gaza. Then the battle got here to fully drain me, put on down my coronary heart and make me lose my focus.
I get up working
For the reason that starting of the battle, we’ve been preventing for one thing.
Preventing for survival, preventing to not die from starvation or thirst, preventing to not lose our minds from the horrors we witness and expertise.
We attempt to survive by any means. We’ve gone via the displacement – in my life, I’ve lived in 4 homes, and each home ended up close to bombardment by the Israeli military.
We don’t have a protected place to be. Earlier than the ceasefire, we lived 500 days of sheer terror.
What I didn’t do through the battle, sadly, was cry. I attempted to remain robust and stored my unhappiness and anger inside, which exhausted my coronary heart and weakened it much more.
I used to be constructive and supportive of everybody round me. Sure, the individuals from the north will return. Sure, the military will withdraw from Netzarim. I wished to offer everybody energy, whereas inside me there was nice weak spot I didn’t wish to present.
I felt that if it confirmed, I might perish on this terrifying battle.
The ceasefire was my nice hope for survival. I felt like I had made it. The battle was over.
When individuals puzzled: “Will the battle return?” I confidently replied, “No, I don’t assume it would. The battle is over.”
The battle did return, and nearer than ever to me. I lived the continual worry introduced on by endless shelling. They used each form of weapon towards us – rockets, shells from planes and tanks. The tanks stored firing, surveillance drones stored flying; the whole lot was terrifying.
I haven’t actually slept for over every week. If I go to sleep, I’m woken up by the sound of explosions and get up working. I don’t know the place I’m making an attempt to go, however I run via the home.
Within the fixed panic, I put my hand on my coronary heart, questioning if it could face up to way more.
That’s why I despatched a message to all my mates, asking them to speak about my story in order that I might not simply be a quantity.
We live via insufferable days because the Israeli military destroys the neighbourhood round me. There are a lot of households nonetheless dwelling right here. They don’t wish to depart as a result of displacement is exhausting – bodily, financially, and mentally.
The primary displacement I bear in mind was the one in 2000, once I was about eight years outdated.
Israeli military bulldozers got here into the Khan Younis camp and destroyed my uncle’s home and my grandfather’s. Then, for some motive, they stopped at our home.
So we left. It was Ramadan, and my dad and mom figured we might come again later. They discovered a dilapidated shell of a home for us to shelter in, quickly, they thought.
I couldn’t bear the concept that we had misplaced our house, so I might run again to the home the place all these lovely reminiscences with my grandparents have been, and I might seize a couple of issues to take again to my mom.
The Israeli military demolished our home the evening earlier than Eid, and me and my household went there on the primary day of Eid al-Fitr. I bear in mind celebrating Eid on the rubble, sporting my new Eid outfit.
The Israeli military doesn’t allow us to preserve something; it destroys the whole lot, leaving us with nothing however sorrow in our hearts.
I don’t know what the long run holds if the world doesn’t save us from this terrifying military.
I don’t know if my coronary heart will face up to these countless sounds any extra. Don’t ever overlook me.
I’ve fought onerous for my life. I’ve labored onerous, as a journalist and a trainer for 10 years, dedicating myself.
I’ve college students I really like and colleagues with whom I’ve lovely reminiscences.
Life in Gaza has by no means been straightforward, however we like it, and we are able to’t love some other house.
